caRLdeNa rULEz

honestly — ending yang ntah pape ntah ..

but sumhow .. I realized … the way I wanted the story to end can be considered unrealistic .. why?

becoz Ezora n reza were first lovers ..

taPi kan.. first love ditakdirkan x bersama .. huhu .. wlpon ezora n reza tu still hv feelings for each other .. deep in her heart, die tau yg d person yg die nak share her whole life is adreen ..

and reza? let him be ..(although I think he deserves a second chance .. but this is reality .. second chances are rare these days .. no matter how much u’ve changed and learnt from the mistakes uve made before)

but IF I’m in her shoes, I’ll choose Reza .. seriously!

It’s been a while .. yeah ..  but yet .. lots of things had passed .. and yet to come .. well .. finally, I’ve finished my finals, being An Honoured UnemployeD person .. haha .. but it’s ok .. insyaAllah, wif God’s will, I’ll somehow be doing something somewhere some moments from now.

Today, I feel like writing. There’s this aura of something that keeps me thinking bout something unrevealed from the past..

ThE MysterY of The Red RoSe~

It was in 2004 .. somewhere in the South .. huhu ( u all shud know where if u know where I was during dat time) .. it happened a few weeks after I’ve received a dozen of red roSes (which I hate to admit that I dun really like roses that time — immaturity I guess) ..

I could still remember that day, it was Thursday. That morning, I was late from usual .. wearing a light green baju kurung, I was rushing, heading to the tutorial class. And as soon as I arrived, my practicum mate handed me a paper bag. It’s not really paper, it’s plastic I guess. I was again, starting to act NOT in normal way — but similar to the time when I received the dozen of RosEs .. honestly, I felt embarassed. I juz dun know why. It was like hurting my pride n personality as a NOt-TO-girlish type I guess.. But at the same time, I felt a bit happy — an appreciation and indicator that my presence were noticed by at least someone", .. urmm … but again, I kept complaining deep inside — when during classes and lectures I’ve heard these words like "ros merah tuu .." or "sape bagi?" and those smile on the faces .. irritating~ but I had no options - I had to bring along the paper bag all day long — from the tutorial class to the lecture hall and then back to the tutorial class again~

And finally, when I got back to my room, then only I felt relief. Along with the red rose was a pack of chocs and sweets, with an orange card ..

"ALWAYS TREAT YOUR FRIENDS WELL . EVEN THEY ARE NASTY AND JERK" - O.B (F22)

that was wut written on the card. Weirdly, I never want to find who it would be .. during that time .

But somehow, today, as I was about to leave for downstairs, the red rose caught my eyes. Yeah, the red rose, I’ve let it dry and I kept it since then.. why? I juz dun know …

But anyway, I’d be glad if I can meet the person now .. sooner or later .. coz there’s lots of things to be shared and expressed ..

Dear OB from practicum F22 (KMJ 04/05),

No matter who you are, a man or a lady, big or small, short or tall, fair or dark, nice or nasty, wherever u r .. pliz .. do contact me ", and .. thank you in advance ",

And the dried red rose .. would always be there .. right in the corner of my room .. and in my memories~

words for a friend

Dear friend

In life

Wut is written for us might be different

But sumhow there’s a point that we share

And that’s how we become friends ~

Our story is juz not the same

Our point of view might differ a lot

Our interest might not be in the same line

And our path .. are juz two separate ways –

But somehow everything happens for a reason

And I still believe wut I’ve been believing

All these years

That every single person

That came into our lives

Are meant to complete wut we hv incomplete …

Even if we define them as enemies

Or even they are juz irritating n annoying

They r still, and will always be

A part of our lives~

That had made us

To wut we are rite now

I’ve been through a lot of pain and much2 more brokenhearted than u can imagine .. but I always keep it to myself, not letting anyone to see the pain I have inside. But sometimes I juz have to let it out..

Breaking up is not the end .. being rejected also is not the end .. it’s the starting point for a better future .. unless u dun learn from it, then u’ll surely come back to where u’ve started ..

Sumtimes u juz dun need anything or anyone to have back ur normal life . to do the things u used to do, or to go to the places u used to go. All u need is juz URSELF ",

Yeah I know it’s hard to forget .. but u dun need to try real hard to forget .. not goin to places u used to go .. not wearing the shirts u used to wear, throwing all the things that reminds u of the memories, hey .. u r not a computer! Not simply by clicking DELETE, u can erase em all from ur mind and ur LIFE .. all u need to do is LET GO .. the memories will always be there .. but u also hv new things installed, better things to do .. that can bring happiness, more than u expected ..

Life is not juz about love, and that’s why I learnt to LET GO .. the more I fill my heart with hope, the deeper the wounds get.. so I taught myself to LET GO .. let go and let go .. and it felt better after that ..

So the key words here my friend are LET GO and MOVE ON .. that’s wut I’ve been telling myself~

U knoe wut, u r juz lucky that u have friends that are really concern bout u now and then .. u can always hv them when u feel bad .. and above all .. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE !!

thank GOD, friend .. dun thank me .. ",

Somehow HE inspired me ",

Every time when the training gets tough, I would tell myself that “if others could do it, why can’t I". The advice of our PM keeps coming to my head each time the going gets tough. Mental strength plays a crucial role especially when you are far away from home knowing that you are going through all the vigorous tests and classes are on your own. ++Dr.SheikhMuszaphar++

He inspired me .. in a waY that GOD had grant him Wif a GoOD n charMing Look~ BUT HE HIMSELF — made an effort to not Only have wut GOD had given him .. buT ALSO to make a dream come trUE .. which I define as SATISFACTION OF LIFE ",

one CHARMING - GOODLOOKING - HIGHLYmotivated GOD’s creation that hav inspired me ",

Looking back into the past .. and analysing wut I am today~

I think I’m getting better in achievements .. but yet .. I’m gettin weaker inside .. my souL are the precioUs thing God had given me, n yet I stil cudnt take a very gud care of it ..

my souL~ the emptiness I felt in my Life –

God ..

am I being too far from YOU ..

am I being so selfish, that I seldom ask for your KINDNESS

am I being so proud, that I always PRETEND I hv the HAPPINESS

am I being so busy wif stuffs, that I dun have time for YOU …

am I, GOD ?

nevermind - I know the answer ..

there were times .. when I felt so empty, I cried, and anything I’ve planned, turned out to be A DISASTER .. the people I’ve hoped for, juz couldn’t be there, with so much reasons that I defined as EXCUSES, and sadly, they juz went away~

tears were once my BEST friends .. loneliness and sadness worked together .. and I was like a dust, useLess, gone with the wind~

but somehow, after a long cry, this empty soul of mine, suddenly became a bit coloured, HOPE .. yeah .. it whispered HOPE .. and slowLy.. my tears were drying .. I washed em out wif a bit CONFIDENCE, and put on a li’l DETERMINATION, and the lips, began to SMILE ..

I smiled all the way in the journey ahead.. as I was walking slowly, I looked around. I saw lots of people infront,with a smile in their faces, and the people beside me were holding my hands, and their faces are full of joy and satisfaction. Inspired by the smiles, I was convinced that they will surely lead me to HAPPINESS, so I walked a li’l bit faster.

It was juz then when I’ve gained my CONFIDENCE again, I felt like looking back to the steps I’ve left behind. AND THAT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA .. it was juz then I realized I haven’t recover enough from the bad experience. My CONFIDENCE were suddenly blowed away by these faces that I had almost forgotten..

My steps became slower, and slower, till I stopped. I let go the hands that were holding me. What happened to me? Yeah, stupid reason. I was still hoping for the people that had ignored me, that were never there for me, that had ripped my innocent piece of heart out, that had made tears a friend of mine, that were pretending they care for me …

And there came the rain ..  hey .. where did my sunshine go ? And those people I was waiting for, walked passing me by, without any notice of my presence ..

and here I am .. waiting for the rain to stop .. I’ll keep walking, but this time I won’t stop anymore, cause I know ahead, somewhere, the rain will stop, and I’ll get to see my sunshine, and if I’m lucky, I’ll experienced the gift of life — A COLORFUL RAINBOW~ and yeah, I do have beside me, ppl that wud never let go my hands — whom I considered as FamILy & frIEnds .. BEST FRIENDS !!

THANX !! we’ll meet the RAINBOW SOONER OR LATER ",

HAVE FAITH ",

and GOD~ from now on.. this empty souL, wudn’t be EMPTY~ cause I’m coloring iT .. with the colors of the RAINBOW ",

I thank You GOD — for each fate that U wrote for my LIFE .. is nothing better but THE BEST !! ",

thanx=)

yoURs truLy — mISs NurMasirahMohdZain –

it’s time to move on …

Selepas hUJAn .. awan tampak bErserI ..

yANg teriNDAh
TerLukis di bIBIr mu
Tak pernaH ku LIhaT senyuMmu
SebegiTu
PudarKah Sudah cinTa yang kU beri
Berwarna warnI seGALa
Yang dijanJikan Ia

Usah biaRkU berSendiriAn
Usah biar hAtI Mu di tawAn
Usah BIar diRI kU di sini
Seorang menUNggu TANPA teman

Usah lepas genggaman TaNGaN mu
Usah BiaR semua berlalu
Usah teRLupa perasaan hati
Pertama kaLi kita bertemu

Usah LepaSkan

Tak mUdaH ku mElupa segaLa yang berlalu
Ku ingin selalu BERSAMA MU

Ku TaK PEduLI aPa SebabNYa
Engkau dan DiA harus bersaMa
Mendungnya lANgit bila bERkata
Kita patutnya MASIH berciNTA
Usah LepAskan

USah LEpasKan …
UsAh LEpaskan …

Yang terINdaH
Terlukis di biBiR mu
Tak pernah ku LihaT senyum mu
Sebegitu

usaH LEpaskan - by tauFIk batiSAh ..

sometimes in LIFe .. when u thought ur LIfe are aLMost perFect — it wuD turnEd oUT to bE a disasTEr .. yeaH .. LIfe’s sO crueL .. but yeT it’s BEing FAir .. wut coMEs uP must go dOWn ..wut goEs arounD coMEs aroUND .. sumtimes I wondeR .. wuts So wroNG bout Me havinG botH haPPinEsS and suCcEss — theY juZ neVEr woRK togethEr .. suCcEsS meaNs sacriFice .. and it huRts badLy .. but no woRrieS .. there’s Always SUnshYNE afteR thunderstoRMs .. aLong with coLorfuL rainboWs .. I guEss I’ll juZ wait foR the raiN to stoP .. coz it SeeMs that NO onE wud sharE Me an umbreLLa~ huhu~

LovE is all about ShariNG~ thru this joUrneY of LIFe .. i’ve sharEd A Lot .. and I gainEd a LOt .. no mattEr wut the outcoMEs were, I kepT moving .. although theRe Were tiMEs I stooD too Long infroNt of the gravEyaRd of the Luv thaTs not miNe anymORe~ and there weRe alSo times wheN I juZ cudnt get riD of aLL the memOrieS~ but HEY .. at LEast Ive LeaRNt hoW to LIve with iT ", memoRIeS are preciOus — they keEp me moving on the right trAck~ not falling twiCe at thE verY samE pLAce again~

in my journeY of LIfe I’ve mEt sO manY ppL~ and I aLways BeLIeve .. for Each LIviNG creature GOD had senT into my LIfE — are meant to taught Me a thing oR twO~ bout wut LIFE is all about~

ppL do come and go .. but I thank God .. I still hv wif ME, some that r always here wif ME — right in my heaRt~ bUDdiEs– thanX!!

and I never denY that .. the oNE u hate the mOSt, u wuD deadLy avoiD to MEet, is the ONe that is alwayS theRe, when u Juz can’t fiND sum1 U hoPEd for ..~ thats LIFe ..

it’s oK to avoiD ppL u R not familIAr .. or cudnt get aLOng wif .. but NEVER — nevEr denY the FACT that one DAY u might nEED theM so badLy~ coz it had happeNed to mE~ and I regret it~

talking bout REGRETS — yeah .. a few I hv in my LIfe .. but it’s ok … LIfe’s ups and doWNs aite ..  but reaLLy — REGRETS alwayS happeN .. when we didn know hoW to appreciate ..

~appreciate + share = LUV <—> LIFE

",

25th daY

1. jmp En cYRus ~

2. erm .. shahiR jadi rajin arini .. kurang sket kejE haha

3. borak2 ngan bakaL dR? haha

4. last daY fOR kutpM students .. TAta ",

5. nothing much~ piX maniaC .. huHU

6. balik CepaT !! nak gi uPM pas keje ..

5 moRe daYS to gO~ la la la

24th day~

seperti hari2 yang lalu …

bad MooD?

haha ..

at least ..

DA siaP amek daTa sme .. yeah!!

my 23rd Day

1. nothing much todaY ..

2. shahir masok bench uriNE .. BULI die .. haha ..

3. byK gak sample arini .. at last .. bjaye gak wat cuLture StooLs for botH alkaLine n pLain .. alkaLine — culture on TCBS and APW .. plain — culture on XLD and Selenite F broth .. and +MAC if below 3 .. tu jaa ..

4. 80% task — comPLETED todaY .. yeyEaah~

5. bce result Enterotube .. sme pon Klebsiella pneumonia..

6. culture yg smalam .. if suspect Pseudo — culture on TSI, BasaL n motility .. also wat Sensi ..

7. aDe sample cerebrospinal fluId — tengok kak Zizah bwat .. mcm strep groupiNG nye test .. pkai kit .. ade 6 circles on card .. mix wif reagent jaa .. then tgk agglutination~8. makan mcD arini .. hehe .. double lime sundae .. YUMMY!!

9. anotheR 7 days to gO~ get uSe of it MASIRAH !!

10. tomoRRow wat keJE rajin2 yE~